the bartending nanny

from “it’s not gonna rain. i’ll leave my umbrella at home.” to “you know i haven’t been in an accident in years?”, it often seems that a bit of confidence brings rain and zany female drivers. why should starting this blog be any different for me?

it’s 5:42 in the am, as dane “i love the red sox so much that i wear yankee hats” cook would say, and i’m finally headed out the door of keg and lantern. tonight, i parted ways with the other bartender earlier than expected due to slow business. twenty people walked in the door of the bar at the same time. (we have a big door, obviously.) less than twenty minutes later. i broke up the beginnings of a fight between a faithful regular and another dude. (any guesses what the fight was about?) i unfairly took out close to all of my frustration on a semi-rude regular who never tips but didn’t deserve what i gave him. (i sat down with him and apologized. don’t worry.) i was given tips of $3 on a $57 check and $6 on a $96 check. finally, my night’s sentence was exclamation point-punctuated by sweeping up broken glass at 3:30 am. all in a day’s work, right?

by the way, i’m not complaining. i’ve been busting my bung to quit grumbling and whining in my life, and i’ve been doing a damn good job. these entries about work shifts are meant to inform, not drag prose fingernails across the internet chalkboard.

these things ALL fall under the umbrella of a bartender’s job description. they’re not always fun, but they disappear when i ponder the problems of others. uh oh, murphy’s getting too sensitive again. let’s move on.

tonight, i had a guy ask me for some bartending tips, as he’s moving out to seattle to take a gig an old friend is offering. i told him three things:

1. get your hands on a bartending book. keep it on you even when you’re working the bar.

2. learn what the bar you’ll be working carries and offers in the way of booze. what beers, vodkas, etc.

3. be honest.

speaking of being honest, an annoying regular told me tonight that my owners are “stupid and ignorant”. i don’t like to talk shit about my coworkers or owners, anyway, but my owners also happen to be my friends. one of them i’ve known for 6 or 7 years. it felt right to interrupt this guy and kindly set him straight. don’t mess with mr. and mrs. keg and lantern.

(that last paragraph was brought to you by the letters F and U and was an attempt to be honest and kiss a little ass. let’s hope it worked.)

it’s late (or early, depending on your viewpoint), and i’m thankful that the saint is not my responsibility on sundays. i do find myself spending as much time as possible with him, whether i’m on the clock or not. it’s one-third if the main reason i moved to the big apple. i want to watch him grow up, and not just when i’m supposed to be watching.

lastly, don’t get too excited. i won’t be posting every day. the goal is three times a week. and the fight i mentioned earlier? it was over a girl. weird, right?

thanks for reading. enjoy your sunday…unless you started big ben roethlisberger in your fantasy league this week as i did.